Four Heads Aren’t Better Than One

An Iron Age Media Prompt - “The Ophidians“

AHHHHH! Everyone wake up! We’re under attack by a tremendous foe! We’re gonna die!!!!

Ehh what? What’s that, Bill?

I’ll end them in one bite!

Dagnabbit, Bill. It’s just the humans again. False alarm everyone. Stand down Kill

Hahaha, got you!

Will you ever tire of your endless pranks and inane attempts at humor?

The humans’ endless dedication to our slaughter is almost admirable.

Why on Earth would you take their side, Still?

I’m not taking their side, I am simply stating that there is an admirable aspect to their determination. Pointless though it may be and doubtless a seemingly impossible task, they persist nonetheless.

A brave human tastes no different from a coward.

An unusually philosophical point, Kill.

They are foolish to continue to face us. They are beneath us and almost boring to hunt and kill.

Considering that our scales are thicker than the metal in their swords and spears, one might question their approach.

Critical thinking is not their strong suit.

Dang whippersnappers, I remember when they just had clubs.

Was it black and white then too, you old geezer?

If I was a few centuries younger, I’d knock some sense into you.

A hollow tree produces no sap regardless of a tap.

Alright, I don’t even know what that means.

Mhmm, I could go for a nice tree, right about now.

Mmmph mmmph mrrr!

Kill, buddy, we’ve been over this. Stop talking with your mouth full.

I said I got the biggest one.

Congrats, you really overcame tremendous adversity and terrible odds to achieve such success.

Thank you!

Ignore him, Kill. That’s some fine killing you did just now. Fine killing indeed.

You know just because we are a pack of dragon serpents the humans call us monsters. But maybe the humans are the real monsters.

Leave the philosophizing to Still, Bill.

Anyone else going to get in on this buffet? I would almost feel bad if I ate them all myself.

No, you wouldn’t.

Yeah, you’re right.

I could eat.

I’ll take one.

We’ll keep any eye out for any geriatric humans so you have a chance at catching them.

Who is Jerry Hatrick?

I am getting a headache.

Woah! Watch out everyone this guy has got two swords! Run for your lives!

Two times zero is still zero.

Dibs

Dang it, Kill. Leave some for the rest of us why don’t you.

You’d think by now they would just fish elsewhere.

Their primal urge to kill and conquer drives them back to us time and time again.

Leave the philosophizing to Still, Kill.

You guys want to see a trick shot? Watch this!

Wow, you actually spit out that guy’s sword and hit another guy with it. Impressive

That’s nothing. You should have seen me back in the day. I had all sorts of killing tricks.

Uh-huh…

That man lived by the sword and his comrade died by the flying weapon.

Sounded like you were on to something for a second there, Still.

I’m bored. Tail shot.

Not quite on target there, Phil.

Bah, the sun was in my eyes.

Sure

You miss a hundred percent of the tail kills that you do not attempt.

Catchy

Do you want me to bite a leg off of one for you, Phil?

Don’t you patronize me like some doddering old fool. I’ll get him this time.

I’ll believe it when I see it.

Yahhhhh!

Wow, you actually did it. Nice swing there, Phil.

The last two are running away now.

It ain’t over until the old lizard swings.

Leave the Bill to philosophizing, Still.

What?

Ignore him

I’m surprised it took the humans so long to leave today.

Haha yeah those humans sure are dumb. On an unrelated note, I got my tail stuck.

What?

Why did you do that?

I didn’t do it on purpose. I was trying to another cool trick where I flick a human using my tail into my mouth.

How’s that coming along what with your tail stuck and the humans gone?

That has put a damper on the plans for sure.

Do you think if we call the humans back, they could take Kill while he is trapped?

Only one way to find out.

I’d like to see them try.

Hey, the humans left.

Thanks for finally joining us Phil.

Eh?

Fine, I will help Kill since no one else will.

I’m pretty busy at the moment. I’ve got a full schedule today.

FREE!!!!

You’re welcome.

Quiet you.

What do you think the humans do when they aren’t here trying to kill us?

I figured they just fight each other.

If they were always fighting, wouldn’t they eventually run out of humans?

And what a shame that would be. Why the world just wouldn’t be the same without them.

Maybe they strategize about how best to slay us.

If that’s the case then their brainstorming sessions really have not been paying off because they haven’t made any significant process, except for the incident.

I remember the incident.

No, you don’t. There was no incident. Bill just keeps referring to some mysterious incident as if there was a fifth one of us.

Wow, how soon they forget. Jill did not die for this.

Jill didn’t die at all.

Exactly.

How did Jill die?

An excellent question my bloodthirsty friend.

Here we go.

Long ago, the humans built a giant bow and instead of an arrow chopped down the largest tree they could find and sharpened the top of the tree into a point.

Truly a warrior’s weapon.

One wonders why they would not use it again.

Quit interrupting.

One day, Jill was out hunting by herself. Eating a few trees, fish, the usual, and then some smoke caught her eye. She swam over to find a giant bonfire. While she was staring, mesmerized by the enormous dancing flames, a group of humans off on the side, hiding in the forest, shot the sharpened tree at her head, she died instantly.

What is the moral of this story exactly?

Not all stories have morals.

Vegetables are dangerous.

Perfect, let’s go with that.